LOCO, Oklahoma - Ex-CNN talk show host Lou Dobbs was in town as the specially invited guest speaker of The Sooners For An Electrified Border Fence Convention.
Dobbs whose name rhymes with sobs, robs, and cobs stated that now that he is no longer with CNN he does not have to get up early and fight the traffic to get to the office.
He says that he has been spending his days just sitting around talking to his wife about her soap operas, doing minor repairs on his ranch house, and playing with his 38 chickens.
Dobbs pointed out that it's kind of strange playing with his chickens since as a little boy his mother always used to tell him to never play with his food and here he is playing with his future food.
He laughs and says that, that is precisely the reason why he has never liked naming his chickens. He said that he prefers to sit at the dinner table and say to his wife, honey this chicken sure does taste delicious instead of saying, honey Melinda sure does taste delicious.
While at the convention Dobbs was asked by MSNBC's Roy Rockfeather about rumors that he may be running for president in 2012. Dobbs smiled and said that he had been thinking about it.
When asked if he did run would it be on the Republican ticket he grinned and said does Mexico have bullrings? Does China have chopsticks? Does Brazil have nuts?
"Yes, yes, and yes."
"Well okay then Roy, I guess that sure a shootin' answers your question don't it?"
Rockfeather then asked him if he felt that he could win the nomination over Sarah Palin. Dobbs started coughing. When he stopped he said that if it were between him and Palin, he would be the one that would have the better chance of defeating President Obama.
When asked how he could be so sure he smiled that Cabbage Patch Doll smile that he is noted for and replied that there are three reasons why he knows he can kick Palin's butt.
One, he said that Palin was the governor of Alaska, a state that has less people than Austin, Texas. Two, she has no earthly idea where Africa, Australia, and for that matter Austin are.
And three, and perhaps the most important reason is because Sarah Palin is a girl. Oh granted she acts like a man, going around shooting the hell out of moose, caribou, elk, and reindeer, but deep down inside, when you take off her camouflage shirt, pants, and boxer shorts she is a 'girl.'
And guess what? Us Americans unlike the Alaskan folks like for our womenfolk to act like womenfolk. We want them to be pretty, and sweet, and to bake apple pies, and biscuits, and peanut butter cookies.
Us American guys do not want for our women to go around like beer-drinkin', tobacco-chewin', yarn-spinnin', tomboys and shooting our meals.
We in the U.S. of A. like for our women to smell pretty and act dainty. We do not want our women to smell like...well like smelly men do. I have been around Mrs. Palin and let me tell you that I had to quickly and discreetly get upwind from the gal.
Dobbs was asked what Palin smelled like. He thought for a moment and he said that she smelled like gun powder, caribou piss, and reindeer shit all rolled into one.
He added that he could put up with the caribou piss and reindeer shit, but that he had to draw the line on that horrible, nauseating gun powder smell.
In a related story. Lou Dobbs said that he is contemplating having either George Lopez or Salma Hayek as his running mate. He then added, "So that hopefully I will at least be able to get some of the Hispanic voters that I have somehow managed to alienate...ah make that turn away."