NEW YORK CITY - CNN after weeks of receiving tens of thousands of emails, text messages, phone calls, and even Shoshoni smoke signals has listened to the voice of the people and fired Lou Dobbs.
Network spokesperson Tim McWickipenny said that the last straw came when Loony Lou, as many CNN viewers referred to the overweight newsman, accused illegal aliens of shooting at his house on his chicken farm in Wantage, New Jersey.
When Dobbs was asked what made him think that the shooters were illegal aliens he replied he was sure that they were illegal aliens because the bullet casings smelled like enchilada sauce.
Dobbs, who many say looks exactly like an old Cabbage Patch Doll, also said that further proof that the shooter was an illegal alien was the rainbow colored serape that he had found in the bushes behind his chicken pond where his chickens bathe, frolic, and pee.
Old Cabbage Patch says that he also found what are clearly size 7 huarache foot prints in his lantana garden. Lou also pointed out that the shooter had dropped a Panchito Pistola rookie bubblegum bullfight trading card by the front gate.
Two days after the incident Wantage Police informed Mr. Dobbs that they had caught the man who had shot at his house.
The individual had confessed and police gave his name as Cody Earl "Bubba" Frampton, 49, a known lifetime KKK member and collector of Mexican artifacts and memorabilia such as huaraches, serapes, and bubblegum bullfight trading cards.
Dobbs was asked by the Mexican Consulate to apologize for falsely stating that the shooter was an illegal alien. They went on to say that most illegal aliens cannot even afford a comb much less a high-powered rifle with a telescopic scope.
A reporter for The Hackensack Morning Informer caught up with Dobbs as he was on his way to the unemployment office. Loopy Lou, as Wolf Blitzer calls him, was asked if he was planning to apologize for making his unfounded illegal alien charge.
Lou coughed about six or nine times before finally saying that he would not be apologizing simply because of the fact that he never learned how to apologize.
Meanwhile, rumors are swirling all over the political news arena that "Big Louie" may be joining fellow GOPers such as Rush, Bill, Glenn, Dopey, and Sleepy over at Fox, which prides itself as being 'fair and balanced.'
A lot of people have always wondered that if the F Network is as 'fair and balanced' as they say they are, then why do they feel that they have to tell their viewing audience every 45 seconds that they are...'fair and balanced?
Are they maybe just trying to convince the listeners or perhaps even maybe themselves? Just kinda wondering.