MEXICO CITY - Mexico's number one news network, El Chingon Network (ECN), has just announced that the biggest selling Halloween Trick or Treat mask in the entire Republic of Mexico for 2009, was the Lou Dobbs mask.
Network spokesperson Hernando Bocaroca said that hospitals in the Mexico City area alone reported treating a total of 817 children between the ages of three months and 14 years who were traumatized by the horrendously scary-as-infierno (hell) mask.
Clementina Pataslargas, 29, of Guadalajara said that her husband Guapon, 47, purchased a Lou Dobbs mask for their two-year-old little boy Habanerito, against her wishes.
Senora Pataslargas, who stands 5 foot 2, said that when little Habanerito put the mask on and went outside, right away three of the neighborhood kids became so frightened that they had to be taken to a nearby 24-hour clinic and treated for second degree fright.
Mrs. Pataslargas, who tips the scales at a somewhat heftyish 209, said that her husband told her that at least a dozen of the houses where they went trick or treating refused to give little Haby any candy.
It is widely known that in the Republic of Mexico there is no person who is more hated than Lou Dobbs. The legend has even spread throughout Mexico that even the Chupacabras fear the man that people of Mexico refer to as "Humpty-Dumpty with Chingos (lots) of Wrinkles (arrugas)."
The survey firm of Pregunatas, Preguntas, Y Mas Preguntas, (Questions Questions, and More Questions) recently came out with a report that 12 million citizens of Mexico were given a general survey and one of the questions was who in the entire world do you hate the most:
THE TOP FIVE MOST HATED PERSONS BY THE CITIZENS OF THE REPUBLIC OF MEXICO:
5. The Ayatollah Khomeini
4. Saddam Hussein
3. Osama Bin Laden
2. Adolf Hitler
1. Lou Dobbs
When a reporter for ECN contacted Dobbs and informed him about the poll and the sale of Halloween masks in Mexico he became very defensive and replied that there had to be some kind of misprint.
He said that there was no way in hell that the stupid people of Mexico could be so dumb as to say that Lou Dobbs was more hated than Adolf Hitler.
Dobbs was informed that out of the millions and millions of people that Adolf Hitler killed not one was a Mexican citizen.
Lou the "Old Cabbage Patch Doll" shook his head and said that we did not know that for sure. He then said that the Mexican media is out to make him look bad because he is friends with Senator John "The Comb-Over From Hell" McCain.
SIDENOTE: The Mexican senate has just passed a bill called the El Pendejo Lou Dobbs Bill. It was passed by a vote of 100 to 0. The bill, in essence states, in no uncertain terms that if Lou Dobbs ever enters Mexico, he will be instantly arrested. He will then receive a fair and speedy trial after which he will face the firing squad.