Kerry's Preschool Record Questioned by Bush Camp

Funny story written by susan allen-rosario

Monday, 27 September 2004

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Advisors to the Bush campaign revealed today that their new TV spot ads will feature testimony from John Kerry's preschool teachers, that he lied on his day school application.

"We have evidence that shows Kerry told his teachers that he knew his entire alphabet, when test given later, proved that he did not." Apparently during an oral exam John recited "LMNOP" as if they were one letter."

Teachers for the "Tiny Tot's Day School" also reported that Kerry claimed he had a dog name "Clint" and often spoke to a "friend" he called "Clevis" both turned out to be figments of his imagination. "He lied about both, this evidence seems to show a pattern of misrepresenting the truth that started early on."

Former classmates from his grade school related other incidents that put his early character into question. "I remember this one time," an old school chum said, "we both went to the nurses office, and I personally witnessed John, take a thermometer out of his mouth and placed it on a hot light bulb, to make it appear as if his temperature was elevated. They sent him home because it was up to 106 degrees when the nurse checked it."

Another former member of the same Cub Scout den that John attended said
that several of the badges that Kerry received in scouts were obtained under suspicious circumstances. "Every year, we did the annual soap box derby. Each young man was supposed to create his own car without the help of a parent or guardian. John always had the best car and took first-place in the derby. It was pretty clear that his dad helped a little more than he should have."

The Kerry camp is furious about what they consider, an absolutely ridiculous attempt to discredit Mr. Kerry. "If they want a fight, they are going to get one! What does any of this ‘bull' have to do with his ability to lead the country? If you want to talk about day school records, let's take a look at our buddy, Mr. Bush."

"His attendance record for grade school was deplorable. There is some question as to whether or not he even attended preschool. We have asked for copies of his records and they have somehow disappeared. No one remembers him going there. The only school records we have been able to obtain start at about the 3rd grade and according to them, he was a poor student that failed to color inside the lines and had trouble following simple directions. There was also an incident in the 6th grade, where George W. was sent to the principle's office after he decked a kid that called him ‘Shrub'."

"We believe this shows that Mr. Bush has always been a bully, and prone to violent attacks. So in the words of George himself, if they want a fight, "Bring it on."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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