Surprise late entry in the 'Worst American President in History' contest

Funny story written by matwil

Saturday, 24 October 2009

image for Surprise late entry in the 'Worst American President in History' contest
President Idiot

The 'Worst American President in History' contest is due to be held soon, and the contestants had already been announced - George Dumbya Moron, Bill Dumb Clinton, Jimmy Dumber Carter, Richard Trickson, Ronald Moran, and John Frankfurter Kenteethy. But at the last moment a new candidate was announced - Barack Aliar Omama.

George Dumbya had been odds-on favourite to win the contest, as he has the mental age of a drunken baboon and can barely feed himself, let alone run the United States of America without running away in his jet at the first sign of trouble, but Omama now becomes the favourite, and the reasons are pretty obvious.

Having been elected on a ticket of withdrawing American soldiers from Iraq, he announced he wouldn't withdraw American soldiers from Iraq. Or rather he said it might be a bit more difficult than he had first thought it to be, so he's not even man enough to admit that he lied to get elected.

Then, after seeming to pressurise Israel about building new homes on Palestinian and Arab land by openly opposing it, he suddenly stopped openly opposing it, merely muttering something vague about it not being such a nice thing to do - maybe. So after nearly a year in office, Barack Aliar Omama has yet to do a single thing for the USA, and has yet to do a single thing for the world. And has gone back on two major promises.

'Hey', Bill Dumb Clinton said from Whitewater, Arkansas, 'at least I got on and changed a few things for America', and Jimmy Dumber Carter added 'And I didn't.' Though George Dumbya Moron said: 'At least I got on and changified a few things for Armenica - like arming genocidics in Isreal.'

The 'Worst American President in History' contest began in 1961, when John Frankfurter Kenteethy became the first candidate. And when he did, he made a famous speech in Hamburg, Germany. 'We are here, today, to be here. And we can say it, to you, to us, to the w-w--w-world, we can say 'baaaaaaa'. And let us nawt utter a single word to nawt say on this great day, freedom democracy American way blah blah blah blah, autocue next page. Ich bin ein Hamburger!', to roars of laughter from the Hamburgers there.

Kenteethy, who began the Vietnam war, failed to invade Cuba, and began planning the fake Moon landings, which were all to waste billions of dollars, then had to retire with a headache in 1963, but since then the competition for the most truly abysmal President in history has heated up.

Trickson was arrested for stealing a newspaper out of an office building in Washington, then lied about it, despite there being plenty of evidence he did it, and had to resign; Carter was just a weak embarrassment, who began the now regular worldwide sport of Americans being humiliated by armed bandits across the world;

Ronald Moran was a failed movie actor, with no brains and hardly knew what time of day it was; Clinton only qualified for the contest due to his criminal activities, and non-criminal activities with a certain interne, so is an outsider with the bookies; Dumbya is such a retarded cretin the judges are still sifting through his endless gaffes and drunken episodes, including insulting the Queen and walking into closets at press conferences, and not even being able to speak English without sounding like a brain-damaged chimpanzee.

The new contender Omama has of course only had one year (nearly) to prove himself worst President, but is already joint favourite with George Moron, and Wall Street and London analysts suggest spreading your bets between the two, as there is little chance of the others winning.

Though the rumours that the USA has never had any power and has just been used by Europeans to fund the Cold War and two World Wars are, of course, totally untrue, as are the rumours that American Presidents are just cartoon figures to make Americans believe they rule the world.

It's difficult to see Kenteethy, Trickson, Carter, Moran, Clinton, Moron and Omama being anything of importance, except ridiculous ham actors playing at being powerful and important men - and Americans being the only people believing they are.

Maybe all US Presidents since 1961 should share the prize when the contest of 'Worst American President in History' finally ends. If it ever does.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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