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Funny satire stories about Biscuits

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Funny story: Just who is Lempit Opik anyway?

Just who is Lempit Opik anyway?

Lempit Opik (1879-1930) was a manufacturer of biscuits from the German city of Ausberg in south-west Bavaria. Son of Lemartz Opik, the inventor of the cheese grater, and his African-born mother Pitah, Lempit takes his name as a compound of the first...

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Funny story: Man aims to reach South Pole

Man aims to reach South Pole

Geoffcock Shackles, 43, of Norwich, is planning to be the first man to reach the South Pole solo, sustained only by biscuits. At McMurdo station, Shackles was ready to make the 2000km voyage to the South pole and back on foot, supplied only with h...

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Funny story: Brexit is a "biscuit game" to the Tories

Brexit is a "biscuit game" to the Tories

The UK government consists of many ex-public school toffs, so it comes as little surprise to learn that foreign secretary Boris Johnson believes that the Brexit negotiations are like "a game of soggy biscuit". He explained further, "the people ba...

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Funny story: UK Police officer nicks a biscuit and this spoof "takes the biscuit!"

UK Police officer nicks a biscuit and this spoof "takes the biscuit!"

Now this spoof is actually a news article which takes the biscuit, and not the piss! Yes Jaggedone lovers, this is happening in the UK police force all the time! A police officer nicked a packet of biscuits from his colleague. He then handed the o...

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Funny story: Kirstie Alley Sees A Vision of Leah Remini On Her Biscuit

Kirstie Alley Sees A Vision of Leah Remini On Her Biscuit

BEVERLY HILLS - Kirstie Alley's obsession with insulting Leah Remini simply because she decided to leave the Church of The Scientific Method is starting to border on scariness. Alley has continued her one-woman lambasting of the former King of Que...

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Funny story: David Cameron left red faced after Twitter blunder

David Cameron left red faced after Twitter blunder

David Cameron has been left red-faced after hundreds of government secrets were posted on Twitter. The secrets, ranging from the location of possible nuclear waste sites to which biscuits are eaten at cabinet meetings was Tweeted across the world wid...

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Funny story: A List of 10 More Companies That Have Dropped Paula Deen

A List of 10 More Companies That Have Dropped Paula Deen

SAVANNAH, Georgia - Former Food Network cooking show host Paula Deen has literally had her culinary world turned upside down like one of her famous peach cobbler upside down cakes. The 66-year-old Southern fried native of Savannah, Georgia says sh...

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Funny story: Little Divot Man In Rich Tea Biscuit Furore

Little Divot Man In Rich Tea Biscuit Furore

Yet again the once sleepy village of Little Divot finds itself at the centre of a national scandal after improper use of a rich tea biscuit was discovered at a local tea room. Staff at the Blue Rinse Tea Rooms were left aghast after one of them ca...

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Funny story: Mick Jagger pulls out of Davos tea party over 'lack of chocolate biscuits'.

Mick Jagger pulls out of Davos tea party over 'lack of chocolate biscuits'.

Mick Jagger has pulled out of an event due to be hosted by David Cameron at the Davos summit, complaining of "the lack of chocolate biscuits". The Rolling Stones singer had been due to attend a tea party at the Swiss resort as part of a campaign t...

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Funny story: Chocolate Digestive Biscuits Can Aid In The Hunt For Serial Killers Says Local Man

Chocolate Digestive Biscuits Can Aid In The Hunt For Serial Killers Says Local Man

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, today added his contribution to serial killer research by saying that chocolate digestive biscuits can be a fundamental element in the tracking down and apprehension of seriously disturbed serial killers. According t...

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Funny story: Political Biscuits

Political Biscuits

Hot on the news that David Cameron is to release his own range of biscuits: David Cameroons, other politicians are to jump on the bandwagon and release their own ranges of biscuits. All politicians love a good bandwagon to jump on. "Eric Pickles i...

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Funny story: Sexuality and Biscuits?

Sexuality and Biscuits?

For all you readers reading this, be prepared to be astounded by the fantastic truth of sexuality, that will answer all questions you or your confused siplings have on homosexuality, bisexuailty etc. The truth is sexuality, when thought about, is almost completely based on a biscuit table. You may be sceptic about this theory, but consider this. You approach the biscuit table, the main choices...

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Funny story: The Bastardization of our beloved Kit Kat

The Bastardization of our beloved Kit Kat

It's a sad day for Kit Kat lovers everywhere. We grew up with the slogan, "Have a break. Have a Kit Kat". We always knew what we would be dealing with when we bought a Kit Kat or were given a Kit Kat as a treat. On removing the red and white outer wrapping and then carefully, oh so carefully removing the silver covering, which we would gently smooth out so there was not a wrinkle in site,...

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Funny story: Have A Break - Kill Some Orangutans

Have A Break - Kill Some Orangutans

Shocking news just in from the musical environmental protection group Greensleeves suggests that tucking into your favourite chocolate covered wafer bar could be damaging the Indonesian rain forests, and in effect, killing orangutans. Orangutans,...

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Funny story: In the biscuit barrel today the Kit Kat

In the biscuit barrel today the Kit Kat

The Kit Kat We all know how the advert goes. "Have a break. Have a Kit Kat" What we don't concentrate on is the story of the chocolate covered fingers. It's hardly surprising when you consider that people have been murdered in a bid to cover up the truth. Prince Albert Victor, Duke of Clarence and Avondale (1864-1892) the grandson of Queen Victoria was a sexual hedonist and a frequent...

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Funny story: In the biscuit barrel today the Ginger Nut

In the biscuit barrel today the Ginger Nut

The ginger nut. Who would have thought that this innocent looking morsel could have helped to bring down the greatest empire known to mankind. Gingiber Lamnia was a condition which affected wealthy young men in Rome. The main symptom was a red, itchy patch around the genitals. If untreated it could lead to insanity and possible death. In occupied Gaul the medical condition was openly mocked...

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Funny story: In the biscuit barrel today - The Jammy Dodger

In the biscuit barrel today - The Jammy Dodger

The use of jam in biscuits was nothing new, but Britain after world war two was an austere place. There were shortages of many items and trade union militancy grew. Professional football was no different to any other sector of society. Jimmy Hill, an inside forward with Fulham, was the most militant of footballers. In 1957 he became leader of the Professional Footballers Association (PFA). Hill...

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