Schrodinger's dark history revealed!

Funny story written by Alexandria177

Saturday, 17 October 2009

image for Schrodinger's dark history revealed!
Abused victims or Nazi spies?

Langley, Virginia - In recently declassified documents, obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, a dark chapter in America's nuclear history has been revealed.

In the famous experiment of Dr. Erwin Schrodinger, he proposed a theory to help us to better understand reality and quantum physics. The whole theory goes like this, synopsized from John Gribbin's book, "In Search of Schrodinger's Cat", Chapter 1:

"It is possible to set up an experiment in such a way that there is a fifty-fifty chance that one of the atoms in a lump of radioactive material will decay in a certain time and that a detector will register the decay if it does happen. So Schrodinger set up a thought experiment whereby a cat would be sealed in a box with a vial of poison, so arranged so that if the radioactive decay does occur then the poison vial is broken and the cat dies. In the everyday world, there is a fifty-fifty chance that the cat will be killed, and without looking inside the box, we can say that the cat is either dead or alive.

But in the quantum world, according to theory, neither of the two possibilities open to the radioactive material, and therefore to the cat, has any reality unless it is observed. The atomic decay has neither happened or not happened, the cat is neither dead or alive, until we look inside the box to see what happened."

It was many long months of proving this. The 3 cats shown here, and 11 more not shown, were the participants that allowed his theory to tested. Originally, there had been a plan to test several dozen cats, but this was stopped when the lab technicians rebelled, citing their unease over Schrodinger's "cackling gleefully" over each cat's demise.

It was also whispered that he was attempting to "observe" them in such a way as to insure the vial broke.

These then were the fallen:

Boots, Fluffy, Oscar, Marmalade, Mittens, Calicute, Princess, Snowball, Scruffles, Patches, and Tigger.

While the cats were born in various years, all but three died in 1935, fallen in the cause of science, and perhaps one man's personal vendetta against felines.

The three kitties not killed, Wonderboy, Puppypaws and Coffee, described by Federal Law Enforcement Agents as "naughty", clawed the shirt of hapless Assistant Lab Tech Vern Finklemayer, who was in charge of placing them in the box.

Having shredded his plaid button down, they escaped out an open window - a subsequent House Committee Investigation revealed that an undercover Nazi operative may have deliberately left it open to facilitate their escape, thus hampering American nuclear technological efforts.

While there were no confirmed sightings of these three kitties, it was widely believed that they gained employ on a tramp steamer crossing the Atlantic, in the capacity of "Able Bodied Mousers, second class". Employment records are spotty for that era, though.

Upon reaching the continent, they are believed to have jumped ship, where they made their way to the German Reich, there to be presumably rewarded by their Nazi masters.

It is further believed that they died in 1945, old and honored, and were given the same pill that Hitler's dog Blondi was given, lest they fall into allied hands. They were still convicted posthumously of "crimes against humanity" at Nuremburg, and in spite of efforts of their last living descendent, "Lillypad", the conviction still stands.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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