Radioactive cat traps now sterilizing cats nationwide

Written by Aspartame Boy

Saturday, 29 August 2009

image for Radioactive cat traps now sterilizing cats nationwide
These cats are headed for China to make a bettor life for their cousins

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah - Dr. Elinefay of the Cat Reproduction Antithesis Program (CRAP) today announced that the nationwide problem of feral cat reproduction has been solved.

A new feral cat trap has been deployed that has lead lined walls; and aspartame, oil of tuna and oil of catnip for bait. Once the cat enters the trap, and makes it past a maze of tunnels within, the cat's gonads are exposed to enough radiation to sterilize the cat, but leave it essentially unharmed.

The traps are manufactured in China from recycled watch-dials from the 1960's. All of the traps are exported, since cat is a delicacy in China. In fact, the Chinese accept payment for the traps in live fertile cats, which they prefer over dollars.

Dr. Elinefay announced that these traps were deployed during the year 2008 in all major metropolitan areas and have been working very well.

The number of feral cats continues to increase due to economic conditions. People are abandoning their cats so as to have some money left in their beer budgets and cell phone minutes accounts. However, when conditions hit bottom, the feral cat numbers are expected to turn around, since few new cats will be born here.

The National Audubon Society could not be reached for comment, nor could the National Rodent Society. It is expected that they are jubilant, however.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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