Feds to Stop Funding End-Of-Life Counseling for Cats

Funny story written by Adam Click

Sunday, 23 August 2009

image for Feds to Stop Funding End-Of-Life Counseling for Cats
"Go toward the light, Fluffy. Go toward the light."

Washington, D.C.-The federal government, citing enormous cost over-runs and mounting piles of paperwork, has quietly stopped funding "End-of-Life" counseling sessions for cats. The practice, begun in 1979 under the Carter Administration's Kitty-Care program, was controversial from the start, with critics saying that federal resources shouldn't be wasted on cats when there was so much need in the human population. None-the-less, President Carter forged ahead and the program became one of the high points of his presidency.

With increasing deficits and mounting pressure in congress to control costs, The program which has no limits on the number of times it can be accessed, is under increasing scrutiny. Critics cite examples of cats who have availed themselves of the service up to nine times each.

Reticent to have another government program collapse under it's watch, the Obama administration is merely saying that it has suspended the program pending further review. It is insistent however, that a companion program, which pays for operations giving cats opposable thumbs will continue, despite it's limited success.

President Obama, while no friend of cats, has supported the Kitty-Care Program in the past stating on more than one occasion that "cats deserve the best care we can give them if it means that they pass peacefully and quickly to the other side." Pundits have long suspected that his support is merely a nod to President Carter, the only president who has done worse than Obama in public support for his programs, and when President Carter passes on so will Kitty-Care.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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