LONDON - Leona Lewis, the 24 year old singing sensation was happily signing copies of her brand new autobiography when she was suddenly hit on the side of her head by a 6 foot 5 inch thug.
Six bodyguards instantly pounced on the individual, who was simply identified as Peter K. and subdued him. He was led off to jail while Miss Lewis was taken to a nearby hospital.
A spokesperson for the bookstore where Lewis was signing copies of her book Dreams That I've Dreamt In My Dreams said that he overheard the attacker complaining about having to wait in line for five hours and ten minutes.
An unnamed source said that the assailant was whisked away to police headquarters by four of Miss Lewis's bodyguards. One bodyguard commented that the punk tripped inside the car and ended up getting about seven visible bumps to his head.
Another of Miss Lewis's bodyguards said that the thug was bleeding from his mouth and it appeared that he had bit his tongue three or four times as well.
A third bodyguard reported finding one of the assaulter's tonsils on the floor board of the back seat.
When a police sergeant asked the bodyguards why the assailant was missing half of his left ear no one seemed to know the answer.
Meanwhile Simon Cowell said that Miss Lewis had to cancel a scheduled appearance on the TV's The One and Only Show.
Cowell was reportedly furious at the assault on one of the nicest celebrities he has ever known.
He said that he has called up Texas Governor Rick Perry, who is a close friend, about having the London louse sent over to Texas and incarcerated in the notorious Texas State Department of Corrections Prison System.
A highly reliable source said that he knows for a fact that Simon Cowell has told Governor Perry that if he agrees to have the thug sent to Texas he will donate $200,000 to the state of Texas Treasury Department.
Governor Perry was said to have told Mr. Cowell in a private phone call that it will be a pleasure for him to personally strap the London louse into the most famous electric chair in the United States, the infamous "Sparky."
SIDENOTE: Erica Jo Pillybrew, an assistant to Governor Perry, who spoke on condition of anonymity (oops!) stated that there are plans in the works to have a good old fashioned Texas Two-For-One Barbecue. Mrs. Pillybrew said that plans call for having Roman Polanski sit on "Sparky" and then to have Peter K. sit on Polanski's lap. Then Governor Rick "The Switch" Perry will flip the switch and 'poof!'...barbecued foreign sh*t-heads!
