Hamilton Stripped of Melbourne Points, Given New Car

Funny story written by Dungeekin

Thursday, 2 April 2009

image for Hamilton Stripped of Melbourne Points, Given New Car
"Well, that should ensure they don't go too quickly, then shouldn't it?"

Defending F1 World Champion Lewis Hamilton has been stripped of his third place at last week's Australian Grand Prix, and had the points he scored nullified.

The Maclaren driver and his team have been retrospectively excluded from the Melbourne race classification, following an investigation into complaints made by the other teams.

The sport's governing body said they were excluded 'for driving fast in a car that's not allowed to win the Championship this year'.

FIA Spokesperson and PA to Max Moseley, Betsy Prisoncamp-Whiplash, said, "Maclaren won it last year, and as everyone knows Max would prefer it if Ferrari had a thousand-year reign. So we have found a way of ensuring that Maclaren lose their points, and to control any risk of Maclaren dominance in future races".

The FIA also announced that following their ruling, Maclaren would be required to field a new car for the remainder of the season. The team will not be allowed to utilise any of the new technology in use this season, especially the KERS system, instead being forced to use the experimental HERS, or Human Energy Recovery System.

According to the FIA, the HERS system takes the power input of the driver and translates that directly into power to the wheels, resulting in a more direct power delivery and a 'more manual application of drive and traction'.

When F1 pundits pointed out that the new Maclaren car was, in fact, a pedal car, Miss Prisoncamp-Whiplash said, "well, that should ensure they don't go too quickly, then shouldn't it?".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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