NEW YORK CITY - The owner of the catering company that every year caters The Late Show with David Letterman Christmas Party has just stated that Letterman called him up and told him that he has cancelled this year's traditional festive event.
Myron Kravitski of Kravitski's Catering and Consulting Service asked the talk show host why he was cancelling the yearly festivity. Letterman told Mr. Kravitski that he was cancelling it due to budgetary constraints.
Letterman confided to Kravitski that he is having to save every single dime he can because he is afraid that he may be fixing to get sued within the next week or so.
The talk show host said that he spent a little over $4,000 on last year's Christmas party. He added that several of his staff members were drinking Tequila shots as if they were little glasses of 7 Up.
Kravitski told Letterman that the word on the street was that three of his staff members were filing a class action lawsuit against him.
Letterman confirmed that the word on the street was in fact correct. He added that the damn word was right on the effen money.
Dave grinned rather painfully and confessed that yes the friggin, frackin' effen word on the street hit the mofoing nail on the son-of-a-bitchin' head.
Kravitski pointed out to Letterman that he is very good friends with Salvatore Goombalini, the head of Brooklyn's infamous Goombalini family. He asked if Dave would like he can call Sal and have him have a little talk with the three individuals in question.
Letterman said thanks but no thanks. Kravitski asked him to please give him the three names. Letterman declined. Kravitski then told him to at least give him their initials.
"Nothing doing." Letterman replied. Kravitski pounded one of his hands into his open fist and told Dave to at least give him one friggin' letter in either the first name or the last name.
Letterman said that he couldn't because of the effen legal ramifications, the effen contractual entanglements, and the mother effen statutory repercussions.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Myron's wife, Marleen Kravitski called up the host of Larry King Live and King revealed the names of the three staffers who had filed the class action lawsuit. The three are Hattie Fufuwitz, 42, of Manhattan; Danielle Zapaluski, 51, of Queens; and Ling Ling Bling, 19, of Brooklyn.]
King also pointed out that he had personally spoken to Mildred Rothstein the attorney for the three women and that she has in fact filed a class action lawsuit in the amount of $100 million.
Rothstein confided to King that out of the $100 million, her share would be $30 million. The three women would then equally divide the $70 million and each would then end up with about $23 million.
Fufuwitz and Zapulsuki each said that $23 million would be fine. Bling told Ms.Rothstein that she would be willing to personally settle for $50,000.
Rothstein was told by the other two women not to pay any attention to Bling because she is only 19, she is somewhat on the ditzy side, and she does not really realize exactly the tons and tons of money that David Letterman actually has.
King noted that Hattie Fufuwitz said that she and Danielle know exactly how much he has because he has told both of them on several occasions.
In other news. Dustin Hoffman has just been signed to star in Universal Pictures, "Oops, Oops, Dammit Oops, The Roman Polanski Story."
