Doctors 'must report scalpel crime'

Funny story written by Aspartame Boy

Saturday, 26 September 2009

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WASHINGTON DC - In the past, doctors only had to report cases of knife stabbings. Now they must tell police every time they stab someone with a scalpel, according to new guidelines from the AMA.

They are also told they can breach patient confidentiality by giving police information after stabbing them. Doctors are confused by this. To stab, or not to stab? To tell or not to tell? Most doctors are just stabbing and not telling.

The revised guidance on confidentiality will be published on Tuesday.

It is hoped this will help police get better statistics on where and when violent scalpel stabbing is taking place.

'Not very innocent'

Doctors as a group are not innocent. They watch those drug commercials and are just as aware of the side-effects of drugs as we are. Yet, they continue to over-prescribe, turning the US into a drugged nation.

Recently, scalpel stabbings have been more common as doctors realize they hold the power of life and death over patients.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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