Support Group for People who Hate Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Funny story written by Evan Essence

Sunday, 3 July 2005

image for Support Group for People who Hate Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky

Local chapters of a new self-help organization are springing up in communities across the country, for people who can't get images of Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky out of their minds, even after 5 1/2 years have elapsed since Clinton's impeachment.

Modeled after Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), this organization is bringing flocks of Clinton-Haters together to discuss their deepest feelings about the affair between Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky.

"When the 2000 election had passed, I still was not aware of who the Democratic candidate had me it was still all about Clinton." said Phil Lewis, who started attending the workshops last May. " Even nearly 4 years later, after the 2004 Democratic convention had passed, I couldn't remember who it was that got the nomination. I just remember how angry I was to see Bill Clinton and that wife of his, get up and address the convention."

He said he was aware that Newt Gingrich had had an affair, along with a whole host of other leaders in Washington, from both parties. Even Henry Hyde, who had chaired the impeachment proceedings, was guilty of having an affair with a married woman, and lied about it.

Ben Johnson, a businessman, had attended a Promise Keeper's rally several years earlier, in which he had stood up in a stadium, with 6,000 other Christian men, to acknowledge their own sexual transgressions.

"Somehow it was different for us," he said. " We were forgiven. But even after Clinton publically asked for forgiveness, we couldn't forgive him. I know what is said about not casting the first stone. But I think if Bill Clinton had been in that stadium that day, we would have been so angry, we would have all turned on him, en masse, and stoned him to death."

"Gradually, through this support group, I came to realize that I hated Clinton, because he reminded me of myself, and how I had cheated on my wife. Its something about the way he grins that really gets to me."

Those who have been attending the meetings of Clinton-Haters Anonymous for more than a year say that they are having positive results.

Jim Clemmens reports that he had been upset with Clinton, night and day, for 5 years. By attending the group meetings, he slowly began to realize that his anger over Bill Clinton was because Clinton's success with glamorous women, was something Jim, himself, wished he could have, but was afraid he could never achieve. Gradually, after attending the meetings, he got up the courage to go out in the evening to singles clubs to meet women, instead of staying home by himself, obsessing over Clinton's love life.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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