Cash For Cluckers Program Suggested By "Kentucky" Kevin Skinner

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 17 August 2009

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Chicky Poo, the official mascot of the Federal Government's "Cash For Cluckers" program.

MAYFIELD, Kentucky - First there was the Federal Government's Cash for Clunkers program. And now comes the latest Federally mandated program from President Obama, the Cash for Cluckers Program.

The president said that he had recently received an email from America's Got Talent contestant and chicken catcher Kevin Skinner.

In his email Skinner brought out the fact that due to the over-saturation of chicken breeding the price of chickens has fallen to an all-time low.

Skinner quoted Barney Bob Frappmaker, vice-president of The Southern States Chicken Breeding Commission who said that not since September of 1947, has this nation seen so many dad-gum chickens.

Frappmaker went on to say that he and Skinner recently visited one chicken farm in Tallapoosa, Alabama. He said that they were both given a first hand tour of the facility.

Skinner said that he was shocked to see just how crowded the chicken conditions were. He remarked to a reporter for Cluck Cluck Weekly Magazine, who accompanied the two men, that one chicken housing facility was so over crowded that a lot of the chickens were actually carrying each other around piggyback (or rather chickyback).

He said that the overcrowding is leading to mama chickens forgetting where exactly their nest with the eggs is. He said that it is sad to see a mama chicken go to the restroom and then return to her nest and find that either the egg is gone or else there is a strange chicken now sitting on the egg in her nest.

Skinner shook his head in amazement. He then said, "You know, I has been around chickens alls my life.

I has seen 'em breed, and give birth, and even play chicken games. Games like, you know chicken tag, chicken hide and seek, and the most famous chicken game of all, just plain chicken.

The latter game is wheres two adult chickens runs toward each other and they see which one will be the one to, you know, turn at the last, you know second."

After meeting with President Obama and the Secretary of Animal Husbandry Amber Ember Lavenderfield, Skinner agreed to be the official liaison, but only temporarily between the government of the United States and national chicken organization The Caponizing Chicken Cluckers Council of America.

The Cash for Cluckers Program will entail specially-trained Federal fowl agents going into chicken farms and chicken ranches and purchasing as many chickens as the chicken farmer or rancher is willing to sell.

The chickens will be purchased at the going national rate plus 15 cents per bird. The chickens will then be loaded onto 18-wheelers and then they will be transported to C-5A transport planes and flown to the poor African countries of Zimbabwe, Botswana, and Mozambique where they will be used as lunch and dinner for millions of rural area natives.

Kevin Skinner gladly agreed to be the temporary liaison but only until a more qualified person can be interviewed and hired. He says that he wants to focus on his singin' and his guitar pickin'which he smiles and says will eventually mean that instead of eating chicken McNuggets he will be able to eat T-Bone, Sirloin, and Fajitas.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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