Washington,DC/ Washington Post/ The Inside News You're Willing to Pay For - In a shocking unprecedented action, Joe Biden announced he was stepping down as President Obama's Vice President, and official "Watch Dog", citing increasing, unrelenting media attention to his verbal Gaffes.
In a rambling unscripted speech (gulp), Biden reflected on his Lame Dick position on the Obama/Biden Ticket, which due to recent polls indicate Barry O will be a one term president.
" I didn't want to be just another limp dick in the administration with only a few years to go, collecting an unconscionable salary, perks, and frequent flyer miles, " he said benignly, taking a page from a Palin Script.
Besides," he continued," I've already racked up enough time in the Senate to get my Free Ride for Life, Health Care for Pols that actually will work, cost of living allowances, and of course my formerly shielded General Partner positions in a variety of hedge funds being run by family members. "
Standing by his side, wife Jilly reminded him that he was going to be on the advisory board of the Joe Biden International Airport soon to be built with TARP funds in a tomato field owned by a family trust.
Asked about rumors of the Joe Biden Communicable Disease Hospital for Displaced/Homeless/Terminal Druggies about to be funded with another $250M, he said, "That's just another reason I need to resign...I need to spend more time supporting my former constituents , making sure their rights are preserved!"
Behind the scenes, insiders indicated that the President had just about had enough.
Speaking on condition of confidentiality, a person close to the President with the initials M.O, said Biden was just too big a distraction, and the President couldn't leave him alone near a microphone.
A biden Spokesman vehemently disavowed the comments, and brushed them off by saying "that's just pillow talk....you know how a politician always lies to his wife...she's always the last to know....!"
Recent Biden Bloops included a mandate for Israel to go ahead and bomb Iran, Indications that the US was going to supply Japan with ICBM's and "test fire few" over North Korea, that "We miscalculated the economy... we believed everything Barney Frank and Chris Dodd told us", and that "our recent South American Policy was "flawed" because" Barry just found out he couldn't trust Hugo..."
While some pundits think the former VP committed Political Suicide, other's disagree. Said snarling Dem Pit Bull James Carvel, " Hey, Man, he's a natural to bring up the ratings on MSNBC and CBS...wherever he wants to go...he's better than a reality show...even Chris Matthews said he gets Chills up the back of his neck when he hears him speak on important matters!"
Insiders also are reporting that Barry O may appoint recent Puerto Rican
Supreme Court Nominee Sonia Sotomayor to fill Biden's Broad Seat.
Recent documented allegations, and video released on certain web sites purportedly show Sotomayor particiating in violent Puerto Rican character assasinations, the suppression of The Rule of Law, not to mention her rewriting of the Constitution for a Gay California separatist group funded by US Taxpayers.
In addition, a search of court house records found an unanswered small claims award where she had refused to pay for 6 months of food from a TV diet plan claiming, "I didn't really see any change in my ass, and there certainly wasn't enough spices in the meat loaf!"
According to Presidential Counsel Greg Craig, the recent revelations would certainly preclude her from taking a seat on the Court, but would prove to be a "big ASSet in working with The First Lady, as VP...."