France declared war upon the United States, Wednesday, surrendered unconditionally, and requested US financial aid to rebuild its devastated economy-all within ninety seconds. A humbled Sarkosky signed the instrument of surrender before United Nations Peace Observers at 0001:30, Wednesday morning.
"We ask the United States to treat with us, immediately," said French President Nicolas Sarkosky. "Our economy is devastated; the snail crop may not recover," he continued.
"Say please," said US President Barack Obama during a telephone call to the French President.
"Please," replied Sarkosky.
"I couldn't hear you, Nicky," Obama gloated.
US troops will stage a Victory Parade in Paris as soon as they can land a platoon of US Marines in the French capitol. "We were caught completely off guard and were not prepared for a parade," said Marine Lance Corporal Ron Paul VIII, the highest ranking non commissioned officer on duty at Quantico Wednesday morning.
This is the third time in less than a century that France has surrendered to a foreign power without firing a shot in anger. "Frenchmen all over the world are in shock," signed some Frog mime, from whom no one has ever heard.
