Written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 31 July 2009

image for Spoof Writers Rally To Help Jalapenoman's Son With Generous Collection
Billy Jalapeno's 'wheels' - before he rolled it

There was a happy ending to a potentially-disastrous tale in Tulsa this week, when a young man who had been building a dodgy wall for his grandparents came a cropper in his truck - only for his Dad's writing buddies to come up trumps with a marvellous collection in the support of the careless lad.

Billy Jalapeno, 16, son of Jalapenoman, the famous 5th-ranked Spoof writer of all time (behind me and all my aliases - DW), rang his Dad at 1:10am telling him that he had been in an accident east of Tulsa, Oklahoma. His vehicle had rolled and was totalled.

Billy had been spending the summer working for his grandparents (they have retired to Arkansas and bought a small farm). He built a retaining wall on their property this summer in exchange for them buying him a car when he finished the project.

He completed the work a couple of weeks ago and was driving home (driving at night when it is cooler and when there is less traffic). His grandparents had bought him a used pick up that had a roll bar (that piece of pipe easily saved his life).

He had a couple of cases of home canned food in the back that was all broken. His suitcases, also in the back, had road rash. He, however, had only minor cuts, scratches, and bruises (he was checked out at the hospital).

Jman was all ready to fly to Oklahoma City, rent a car, and drive to where he was at (he couldn't get a flight into Tulsa that morning), but was told that his son was okay. Billy was only about 80 miles east of his grandparents home and they went and picked him up.

The youth seemed fine after his ordeal, and had even joked with horny nurses at the hospital about the length of his penis, so Dad - who has a 'tiddler' - kept his distance.

Billy was upset that he had worked all summer, and then wrecked his truck before he could even get it home (to show it off to his friends). His grandparents had insured it for the trip back, but only put on the minimums, so nothing was covered and he wouldn't get anything back. His Dad even had to pay for the tow to a junkyard, where he'll get whatever money that ripping-off bastard gives him for it.

Good news eventually surfaced, however, when the writers at TheSpoof.com got together and organised a collection for Billy.

One scribbler, Duncan Whitehead, first floated the idea and said:

"The response we had was absolutely terrific. Well, it was OK. I mean, what do you expect from complete strangers?"

Another writer, Skoob1999, from Burnley, said:

"The main thing is your son's okay. I understand the horrors you must have gone through. But he is okay. That's the only important thing. Regards, Skoob."

Others were just as generous. Abel Rodriguez, said:

"I'll be praying for both you and your son," adding in German, "take care, amigo."

The site's resident Irish bloke, Fergus McCarthy, 21, asked:

"Did he use morticiser or did he just use washing up liquid?"

The beautiful collection of wellwishes was completed by the site's leading Thailand-based correspondent, Monkey Woods, who pronounced:

"I didn't even know about this until I just read it in the forum."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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