Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 22 July 2009

image for "Hereee They Come!" - California To Release 27,000 Prisoners
The Sandy Koufax California State Prison which will soon be completely empty.

SACRAMENTO - Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has just announced that in order to trim some of the state's $26 billion deficit he will be releasing 27,000 California Department of Corrections inmates from 17 different California prisons.

The state's Attorney General Jerry Brown has called his move one of the most irresponsible and dangerous decisions that he has ever seen.

The governor when told of Brown's comment said that Jerry boy needs to basically shut the F up and remind himself that he ain't dealing with his ex-girlfriend Linda Ronstadt here.

Schwarzenegger went on to say that yes he knows that by releasing 27,000 criminals onto California's streets that he may be putting some of the left coast citizens in peril.

But he added that when you weigh everything out, that it is actually a win-win proposition. Governor S went on to say that the decision to release these 27,000 convicts will cut $1.2 billion from the state's deficit.

When the state's Director of Correctional Facilities Partelli P. Hasselhoff (no relations to David) was interviewed in his office he was asked what he thought about the idea of releasing 27,000 somewhat dangerous inmates into California society.

Hasselhoff took a puff of his Kool Cigarette and a drink from his Singapore Sling and remarked that being a devoted GOPer he stood 100 percent behind the Republican governor's decision.

He then added that the governor had personally talked with about 17,000 of the soon-to-be-released prisoners and each one had given Governor Schwarzenegger their solemn word that they will all behave once they get out.

He pointed out one of the more hardened criminals in the California prison system is, Origami "The Stiletto" Stinchessi, of New Jersey's Cusamano crime syndicate.

He said that Stinchessi, who was serving a 70 to 90 year sentence for bank robbery, counterfeiting, extortion, kidnapping, racketeering, money laundering, and first degree littering said that he has decided to enroll in a cooking class so that he can be a positive contributing element to California society.

SIDENOTE: Governor Schwarzenegger has stated that he actually wanted to buy one-way Greyhound bus tickets to New Jersey for 9,000 of the more hardcore prisoners, but his decision was vetoed by the California Senate because of the $891,000 bus ticket cost.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: California




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