Iraq Impregnated with Bastard Democracy After US Pulls Out Too Late

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Wednesday, 1 July 2009

image for Iraq Impregnated with Bastard Democracy After US Pulls Out Too Late
Not exactly what the Iraqi people were expecting.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Citizens celebrated Tuesday in the streets of Iraq as the U.S. began withdrawing its 130,000 troops from the troubled country. As it turns out, the celebration may be short lived, as America's violation of Iraqi sovereignty already spread the seed of Democracy deep within the country, and we are now withdrawing far too late to prevent what has already occurred.

"Our failure to pull out of Iraq in time resulted in an unplanned political pregnancy," says Ginger Steele, the world's leading expert on ridiculous analogies. "What remains to be seen is whether or not America is going to be a deadbeat dad, or help raise this illegitimate fledgling form of government."

Somewhere near the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, tucked into the cradle of civilization, the somewhat-representative Islamic Democracy has been laid to rest, nurtured by the historical mother of all nations, Iraq, and raised by a village of jealous siblings, the Shia, Kurdish and Arab Sunni communities.

Those who have seen the Iraqi-American love child say he is already beginning to look a lot like his parents, having recently held free and violent elections, with nominal single-digit percentage vote tampering, and celebrating mobs afterward that, if it weren't for a few dead women and children, you could scarcely tell from the celebrating mobs that greeted George W. Bush's cavalcade on Pennsylvania Avenue the night of his election to a second term.

Many say Dubya and his father H. Dubya should now shoulder responsibility for the bastard, as it was their obsession with Iraq's treasure trove of oils and lubricants that had them fiddling around in that part of the world in the first place.

Dubya himself once admitted on HardBalls with Chris Matthews that, "It's empowering, quite frankly, when I get to leave the troops in a little bit longer. That's how I like it - when the decider gets to decide if it's time to pull out or not. My daddy did it that way, and that's the way I like it, too. It just feels good."

Perhaps there is some hope for the toddling Iraqi Democracy, unlikely progeny conceived of a Christian and a Muslim nation: Some have pointed out that, although Barbara and George Bush are as different as night and day, look how great Dubya turned out!

Others insist that's all the more reason to allow Iraq and the United States to get a twenty-third trimester abortion, but just this once.

And right away.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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