Written by Pointer

Monday, 15 June 2009

image for Amish Sect Fights for Right to Venerate Shit
Prophet Jacob Schwartzenshitter's last turd is venerated in the Holy Outhouse outside Excrement, PA

The US Constitutional right to freedom of religion has protected believers from armed service, the pledge of allegiance and vital vaccinations for children.

The Amish Anabaptist sect has accumulated the most religious liberty lawsuits of all church groups. They have protested protecting their horse and buggies on high speed Interstate highways and their hunting jackets in woods teeming with drunken dead eye dicks with too fancy orange fluorescent tape. They have protected their children from a high school education and insured the right of their fourteen year old daughters to marry their grandfathers' plainly dressed hunting buddies.

Now a little known Amish sect, The Schwarzenshitters are protesting the state of Pennsylvania's intrusive attempts to force the group to dispose of human waste in an healthful manner. The Schwarzenshitters believe that when their founder, Jacob Schwartzenshitter slipped on a pile of fresh horse manure and exclaimed Holy Shit he was declaring a religious dictum for all generations:

" We revere Holy Shit and will pile it unto the heavens as our prophet Jacob commanded. In the litter days which we believe to imminent, the prophet predicted that our shitload of human excrement will be a stairway to heaven (Led Zeppelin XX,iii).

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Animal Rights




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