Monday, 8 June 2009

image for Tomato Sales Ripe With Success

Camden NJ: Sam Smith Jr. narrowly escaped from his house, only moments before it collapsed due to structure overload. No one was reported injured.

Since being downsized from his job at the Campbell's Tomato Soup Factory Sam has had lots of free time on his hands. He regularly went to the local "film noir" theater and happened to see Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, a 1978 comedy film directed by John De Bello. Sam immediately recognized one of the film's characters as his father. Sam has always had this strange fascination with tomatoes, now he knew why.

Later, while watching celebrity mud wrestling Sam saw a TV ad for large scrumptious tomatoes that require very little growing space. (Sam owns a small house in the middle of a densely settled area of the city). Sam purchased a number of these tomato plants, which he hung both inside and on the exterior of the house.

The tomatoes grew very large, but Sam suspected something was amiss when their Portuguese water dog and the canary went missing. The sides of the house were covered in large red blobs, like measles, spreading to the adjoining neighbor's homes. After a few weeks all the houses began to buckle and then collapse.

Sam called the TV tomato company demanding an explanation, a large retention bonus and finders fees to enable him to introduce this product to lots of new customers. The cities of Chicago, Philadelphia and Detroit purchased large quantities of these tomato plants and plan to use them to cost effectively bring down decaying and abandoned houses. The US Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD) has also provided Sam some of the current stimulus package money for this venture.

The surviving tomatoes will be given to local food banks. Way to go Sam!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Sales




Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
61 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more