SOFA, SO GOOD! - UK furniture giant, DFS (Dismal Furnishing Sales) have wisely decided not to hold a sale for this year and possibly the foreseeable future. Following an audit by their Financial Consultants, Snatchitt & Cashittt, who have monitored the Stock Market and predicted that many furniture retailers will be liquidated this year.
Bob Cashitt (a neighbour of Ebeneezer Scrooge Esq, famous entrepreneur and do-gooder and one-time contestant of BBCs Dragons Den) told In Seine News: "DFS have been holding sales ever since they started in a shed in Rotherham in 1907. Indeed we've not only been having a century of sales, we've also had the sale of the century - and all this without a Nicholas Parsons in sight! It is now time or a complete change in sales strategy."
Marketing Manager, Al B. Rich said: "We have attracted well in excess of one million customers, many of whom chose the 'Buy it Now, Pay in 3 years time' option and are now in the third year of that contract and so it doesn't matter if we sell a stick this year, we'll still get our money! We have devised a method of cushioning the blow yet further:- Now that the furniture is 3 years old it will soon need replacing and we can offer new replacements at special terms for all existing customers."
"Furthermore, we have saved a massive £40 million by not having to advertise - Linda Barker is thought to be on maternity leave because one of her sofas was found to be just 'too sexy'."
