Written by Abel Rodriguez

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

image for Lindsay Lohan Won't Eat Until Samantha Takes Her Back
Lindsay shown when she weighed 127. She has now gone down to 86 pounds.

LOS ANGELES - Lindsay Lohan, who until recently was one half of one of the most publicized couples in LaLaLand, has told her manager that she will not eat until her ex-"Boyfriend" Samantha Ronson takes her back.

Lohan's manager Biff Orbenzender says that he is extremely concerned because Lilo has gone from 127 pounds down to 86.

He commented that she weighs one pound less than Ann "Drinking Straw" Coulter, two pounds less than Tori "#2 Pencil" Spelling, and a half a pound less than Calista "Drumstick" Flockhart.

Orbenzender went on to say that Lohan has gotten so skinny that she could easily fit in the back pocket of a pair of Wyonna Judd's bluejeans with enough room left over for Andy Dick.

When told of the sad state that Lohan is in, her ex-lover said that she is sorry that Lindsay is taking the breakup so hard, but added that she is in the process of moving to London and moving in with Amy Winehouse.

After being told that Lilo has said that she will not eat until Ronson takes her back, Ronson made a stupid face and sarcastically said that she would have her assistant send over a box of Dunkin' Donuts with an 8 by 10 autographed nude photo of herself.

In other news. Former "Price Is Right" host Bob Barker has just celebrated his 101st birthday. Relatives and friends fittingly threw him a bash at Anaheim's Come On Down Bar & Grill.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Lindsay Lohan

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