Written by Abel Rodriguez

Friday, 10 April 2009

image for Fidel Castro Wants To Date Lindsay Lohan
Fidel Castro shown taking a quick nap as he stood in line at a Baskin-Robbins in Havana

HAVANA, Cuba - Fidel Castro, the ex-president of Cuba says that now that Samantha Ronson has dumped Lindsay Lohan he would like to date the gorgeous girl known as Lilo.

Castro, who is 82, says that he read where Miss Lohan is devastated, embarrassed, and hurt by being dumped by her boy-looking, biological girl "Boyfriend."

The bearded "El Presidente" says that he wants to be there for Lindsay and to comfort her in her hour of need.

He expressed concern that she may try to hurt herself and he just wants to let her know that he will buy her whatever she wants; clothes, jewelry, perfume, hamburgers, eyeliner, pantiliners, buffalo wings, Cuban cigars, whatever Lilo desires.

When Castro was asked if he didn't think that their 60 year age difference would be a concern he grinned and replied, that to him 82 is just a number that is preceeded by 81, and is followed by 83.

And besides, he noted that he and his brother, Raul, who is the current president of Cuba own the pharmaceutical franchise Compania El Erector Set that distributes Viagra throughtout the Carribean nations of Cuba, Puerto Rico, Haiti, Chile, and the Dominican Republic.

Fidel Castro's assistant, Dolores Casa-Chula stated that she sent Miss Lohan a very nice email on behalf of Senor (Mr.) Castro and that Miss Lohan responded with a very warm reply.

When asked to elaborate, Miss Casa-Chula would only say that Miss Lohan will be flying to Cuba within the semana (week).

In other news. Ann Coulter has just completed her latest book. It should be in bookstores around Cinco de Mayo (May 5). The book is entitled, Cinco de Mayo And Why It Is So Damn Important To All Of Us Hard-Core, Dyed-in-the-Wool GOPers.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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