Hard-core Republicans, also known in some circles as the 'Evil Empire', plan to have the Death Star fully operational by the 2024 election.
The Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire planet, was adopted from designs used by Joseph Stalin in his successful takeover of Russia in the early part of the 1900's. It was rebuilt using the gargantuan profits made by Halliburton in the Iraq War, now referred to as 'Liberating Iraq's Oil'.
The designs were revamped by Darth Cheney, who now obscures his face behind a dark mask and his voice through a breathing apparatus so no one will recognize him. He wears a special outfit that keeps what is left of his heart ticking.
Unfortunately for the Repubs, in 2008 Obama Skywalker learned of their dastardly plot and upset their dark plans before the Death Star was at it's full capacity. But evil has the ability to ever bloom anew. This time they won't let anything stop them. Nothing less than total control will be enough. And nothing less than total obedience. The Dark Side of the Force is strong with them.
It is rumored that Darth Cheney has been replaced by a new, somewhat younger Darth whose identity remains unknown. Subtle hints indicate that it might be someone we all know and loath. Give-away signs include, small hands, a love of McDonald's food, an over-sized ego and long vacations in Florida.
May the world be ready for 2024.
May the Force be with you, Hero Skywalker.