As thousands of Golden State citizens lost all power to phones, computers and cable TV, a statewide dragnet was cast in search of the vandals, possibly terrorists, who maliciously lifted huge sewer covers, crept beneath the surface and sliced into huge fiber optics cables. CHIPS searched every mosque, Mexican restaurant kitchen and Hell's Angels Social Club.
The super loppers were nowhere to be found. When Border Patrol reported a suspicious Black Hawk helicopteer headed for the Tijuana crossing into Mexico, US Air Defenses immediately forced the whirlybird to the ground. Upon searching the craft, air national guard commandos emerged with a panting bald little man clutching his chest and stuffing nitro tablets in his mouth and the very high powered cable cutters suspected in the terror attack.
As the former Vep was dragged away in cuffs you could hear him scream that he told everyone that the country was less safe under Barack Obama.