A gigantic cockroach remains the sole mystery in the disappearance of Gregory Simpson.
"We're convinced that he just took off." Says his mother, a home-ridden asthmatic. "He was always a selfish bastard. And leaving a big bug in the bed was just the final slap in the face."
"He was supporting the whole family," said his sister, Gretchen, a violinist in a local punk rock band, "and I think he was under the impression that he was being taken advantage of."
Gregory's father, who suffers from Irritable Bowel Syndrome, agrees, "We [he & Gregory] were in sales for a duct tape company and I seriously over-ordered in '02 because of the chemical weapon hysteria, well, they sacked me, so now Greg's the only breadwinner; I haven't been able to find a new job due to my condition and the job market being what it is. Ma can't even stand up without having an asthma attack, and Gretchen...well, she's the artistic one so we can only hope she marries rich.
"I wouldn't be suprised if he's laying on a beach somewhere sucking down margaritas.
"Sometimes I feel like it's my fault somehow, Greg hawking duct tape to support the four of us," admits the father, "but IBS is a debilitating condition."
And the cockroach?
"Well, I whumped the bejeezus out of it, of course! What would you do?" asked the father, astonished ,"You gotta get those things before they lay their eggs. Then we dragged it out to the yard and the crows had a field day."
He nodded out the window to where only a few shell scraps and limbs remained. "Jeez, we only just got ridda the silverfish."
