Mother of Octuplets reveals some women's secret addiction to stretch marks, swollen feet and weight gain

Funny story written by Robert W. Armijo

Tuesday, 17 February 2009


The funny story you are trying to access may cause offense, may be in poor taste, or may contain subject matter of a graphic nature. This story was written as a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you wish to back out now, please click here to go back to the home page.

image for Mother of Octuplets reveals some women's secret addiction to stretch marks, swollen feet and weight gain
"Hummm, didn't I see you here in the ER earlier?"

Bellflower, California - It is a little known secret that few, if any women, are willing to tell, but that psychiatrists (along with other social service providers) that are court mandated to report such instances. That there is a certain segment among the female population that is addicted to being in a continuous state of perpetual pregnancy.

"I never realized that I was one of them," said Christy Justine-Anderson, a recovering addict. "Not until the day, while cooking dinner, when a bit of grease splashed onto my foot, giving me a nasty little second degree burn. Looking down, I couldn't see my feet past my swollen breasts and my bloated third term belly. That's when I realized it: I was naked, barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen."

That was the day Justine-Anderson decided to make the call for help.

"All that night I tossed and turned, trying to get some sleep," said Justine-Anderson. "But I couldn't. It was 7:00 pm; a half hour after dinner and that meant soon it would be time for breakfast. Only, as usual, there wasn't enough hours in the day. So I thought, 'Fast-food time', so I reached over the side of the bed for the breast-pump like I usually do."

Only, Justine-Anderson, found herself holding the phone instead, frantically dialing 911 for help.

In the emergency room, Justine-Anderson was diagnosed with an addiction: "Primary Automation of Insemination by Needle (P.A.I.N.)", which she was immediately given an epidural (a pharmaceutical derivative of the morphine family) as apart of standard treatment regime to delivering patients.

"It was amazing," said Justine-Anderson, after receiving the shot. "I felt so much better that the very next day I went right back to the fertility clinic and got artificially inseminated allover again."

Later on that very same day, Justine-Anderson made a second 911 call and another trip back to the emergency room.

"Only this time, she requested a shot of Botox to cover-up her stretch marks, water pills for her swollen feet and liposuction for her excessive leftover after delivery body fat," said the attending physician.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more