They're back! Cupcakes are on the market again, and they're back with a vengeance. No more nice cupcake - these cupcakes are mean!
Watch out when you're taking off their paper - they will give you a paper cut! They'll piss in your mouth while you're chewing them and they'll stab your bowels while traveling through your digestive tract. Insiders who are close to the cupcakes tell us it's because they're tired of being iced like faggots.
"Go fuck yourself, fucker," said one cupcake with vanilla frosting when asked why cupcakes are turning to aggression and violence to express their frustration. Betty Crocker, a long time friend of cupcakes, has recently been shunned by the cupcakes, being called a "pussy" and a "fucker" and a "cunt" and told to go on a diet to rid of her "fat ass."
The cupcakes don't seem to be getting better. They're assholes now and they're assholes to stay. They refuse to attend any more birthdays, bake sales, and penny carnivals, and instead vow to make this earth a living hell, one cupcake at a time.
Experts suggest switching to cookies and brownies to anyone who still craves small sweets and things you can eat in three bites.
Cupcakes just won't cut it anymore. Unless its in a literal sense.