Written by JAB

Tuesday, 13 January 2009

image for Bush: Biggest Regret Was Not Scoring With Dana Perino or Getting To First Base With Condi
Type A Personality

WASHINGTON - At his final news conference today, President George W. Bush reminisced about his disappointments, mistakes, accomplishments and regrets, while, in the oval office the past eight years.

After thanking the reporters who have covered him over the years, he said, "One of my big disappointments was the annual White House softball game, "I could never get a hit off my Press Secretary Dana Perino when she was pitching, so I could never score, similarly, when Condi got on base I couldn't get a single to advance her from first, big letdown for me, not something I want as part of my legacy."

"One of my better judgments, was not to have gone hunting with the Vice President, but I'm kinda disappointed that former White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan did not -- you know -- many people don't know it, but Dick Cheney's de-fibullator kicked in that day."

"I'm pleased to have met some real nice folks, over the years, Tony and Cher over there in England, I don't know much about his successor, Gordie Brown, but I'm sure he'll keep an eye on things."

"Stevie Harper, he's a great Canuck, plays hockey I think and he's also Prime Minister of Canada."

"I got a lot of time for German Chancellor Angela Merkel, why I even gave her a nuggie
during one of the G-8 summits, Laura's still kinda P.O.'d about it,heh,heh."

"Believe me, these are good solid people."

"I do regret not having President of North Korea Kim Jong-11 over to the White House to watch the movie Team America; I believe he would have liked that song, "I am so Ronery."

"I'm sorry, I did not have the chance to sit down with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, the President of Iran, and tell him what a terrible mistake he's making with that Alice Cooper eye shadow look, I'd tell him --you know -- that went out in the 70's -- no offence to Alice."

Toward the end of the press conference the President stated, "I'm a Type A personality…," unfortunately, no one had a chance to ask, if he realized what most people thought the 'A' stood for.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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