Beleaguered Senator wanna-be Roland Burris showed up for duty today despite being warned that he would not be seated. Burris was appointed to the Junior Senator position vacated by President-elect Barack Obama by Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich, who is currently under investigation for trying to sell the vacant Senate seat. Burris has said that his appointment is valid despite fellow Senator's position that it is not.
Led by Senate Majority leader Harry Reid, the other senators have made it clear that they will not accept Burris to their ranks, no matter what.
"We don't want him here." said Reid. "I don't know how much clearer we can be on this, but he is not welcome. If he decides to waste his and everyone else's time by showing up anyway, he will find the reception rather chilly."
The freeze-out began the moment Burris arrived at the Capitol on Tuesday morning. Several Senators had parked their cars over the lines, taking up two spaces, which required Burris to park over a block away and walk. But that was just the beginning of what one Senator, speaking on condition of anonymity, said would be "a very tough day for Burris."
After being denied entry because his paperwork didn't have the required two signatures needed, Burris was led to the employee cafeteria to wait. He ordered a bacon and egg on a croissant and a cup of coffee, which was delivered to his table by a hard-eyed waiter.
After taking a bite of the croissant, Burris grabbed his napkin and spat out the mouthful in disgust. "What the hell IS this?" he said. An aide to Burris examined the napkin. "It looks like squid, with mayonnaise." he replied. "At least, I hope it's mayonnaise." The aide then quickly removed the coffee, saying,"I wouldn't, sir." After the ill-fated breakfast, Burris decided to take a tour of the Capitol to familiarize himself with the layout. Several Senators greeted him along the way with pats on the back, telling him to "hang in there". It was only later that Burris discovered several 'post-it' notes stuck to the back of his suit that read "Kick Me".
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi then invited Burris to take the Senate seat in front of dozens of cameras as a "photo op". As Burris settled into the seat, a loud "Spluuurp!" resonated through the room, as the cameras rolled and onlookers erupted in snickers. A red-faced Burris removed the flattened Whoopee Cushion and threw it to the floor angrily, saying "Very funny. What are you guys, 10 years old?"
Burris and his aides then left the building and walked back to his car, which had been covered with smashed eggs and shaving cream. The air had been let out of three of the tires. "Great. Just great." said an angry Burris. "They can laugh all they want, but somebody's gonna pay for all this."
