SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Following the San Francisco ban on the sale of cigarettes in pharmacies earlier this fall, an independent study group has concluded that the ban is approximately 1.3% effective in achieving its ends.
"The controlling idea behind this ban was that a pharmacy is in the business of promoting health, and people getting medication shouldn't be presented with tobacco products when they are trying to get healthy," says study coordinator Les Moore, who escorted us to the Walgreens near his home. "However, it is my opinion that people trying to get healthy also shouldn't be assailed all the way to the cash register with a barrage of ice cream, potato chips, fried pies, cookies, candy, Swiss cake rolls, sugar frosted cereal, sodas, microwavable mac-n-cheese, canned chili, Vienna sausages, Spam, beer, wine and hard liquor." He gestured around the store. "If this is a grocery store, where's the produce section?"
Local nurse Flo Knightingale agrees. "They're still sending the wrong message. I mean, supporters of the proposition said that a pharmacy shouldn't sell cigarettes because they don't fit the pharmacy image of promoting healthful choices. But they're basically still selling you heart attacks, cirrhosis of the liver, diabetes, hypertension, atherosclerosis... I mean, almost everything on the shelves is high fat, high sugar, high salt, artificially flavored, and almost completely devoid of nutritional value or health benefits. Just look at this!" she said, waving a bag of Funyons. "I'd rather smoke a cigarette than eat this crap! No wonder there's an aisle and a half of antacids."
Perhaps no one has felt the sting of this new ban more than Joseph Plummer. While visiting the neighborhood Rite-Aid, Ms. Knightingale and I witnessed Mr. Plummer as he purchased a gallon jug of wine and a quart of off-brand Rocky Road ice cream, only to find he now has to buy cigarettes from a store located more than two blocks away.
Happily, Mr. Plummer was fortunate enough to find two minors willing to help him wheel his oxygen tank to the smoke shop before his ice cream completely melted in exchange for half a pack of Camels.
