A 5-year scientific study involving 62 countries has been scrapped after the head of the research team announced that teaching fish to smoke pipes is pretty pointless.
Up to 150 scientists and researchers - at a cost of over $40 million - attempted to encourage salmon to take up the nasty habit but to no avail.
"We wanted to try and make smoked salmon without the need for any cooking but they just wouldn't keep the little pipes in their mouths", said the man in charge of the scheme, "they kept falling out".
"To be honest, they preferred chewing gum or sucking on lollipops. Some are health freaks and refused for that reason. They are more into riding their little underwater unicycles and working out".
