350-pound Walter Keaton, local office supply entrepreneur and inventor died at his home recently after an extended illness. He was 76.
Walter's widow, 375-pound Mrs. Keaton called the Jetsonville Police after she smelled "something gamey" in the outbuilding behind their home in Jetsonville.
"I hadn't seen Walter in a couple months but that's nothing new as he stays out there "inventing" all the time. One time I had completely forgotten about him when he walked in the door and looked in the refrigerator for some milk and scared the living crap outa me. A-weel, actually I just peed a little."
Keaton was well known to his colleagues at Western State Mental Institution who, according to his wife Mrs. Keaton, were always somewhat skeptical about his ideas.
"I think the "Braille-Out" thing was what sent him over the edge. Here that stupid Monkey's (Michael Nesmith) Mama invented "White-Out" and Wilson...William...WALTER! That's it! Walter was sure his braille-out thing would sell."
Mrs. Keaton later told a Jetsonville Jawflapper newspaper reporter that "Willie actually opened up a store in Jetsonville right after we first married in 19-ought-59, which Wade called "Staples" but it closed after six months because not that many people needed staples back then.
"Maybe if Wilber had put some stationary or envelopes in there it would have made it. But we've managed to make out with me working as a waitress and Waitress...Whitney.....
...Walter drawing his crazy check."
In lieu of flowers, Mrs Keaton asked that people contribute funds for the upkeep of the vast family cemetery which is huge and consists mostly of buried piano cases.
