Written by Robert W. Armijo

Friday, 24 October 2008

Washington, D.C. - In an attempt to calm the waters over the controversy of the RNC purchasing $150,000 worth of clothing for vice-presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, the McCain campaign has announced today that it is putting up Palin's underwear for auction on eBay and then donating the proceeds to charity. However, it is rumored that the real reason for the fire sale is to raise money desperately needed to fund the final days of the defaulting McCain election.

"He's [McCain] out of money again," said a McCain campaign insider. "And the RNC can't donate any more money because of strict campaign ethics -- Nah, just kidding. The real reason is that they don't believe in throwing good money after bad. Unless, of course, it's going to Wall Street."

As to how the McCain campaign came to the decision to sell only Palin's underwear and not the rest of her expensive wardrobe, no one at the McCain headquarters would go on the record to say. However, political pundits say the reason should be fairly obvious.

"The McCain campaign knows Palin's big-ticket underwear will raise more, umm, so-called 'campaign funds' than any other article of her clothing among their targeted male demographic," said a political pundit. "So it was really a matter of simple economics and male biomechanics."

Unfortunately, due to all the heat the RNC has drawn for purchasing a $150,000 dollars in clothes for Palin's to begin with, Palin will now have to make due without a single pair of underwear to wear for the remainder of the campaign.

"We expect an immediate rise in the polls, virtually overnight," said a McCain spokesman. "Please excuse me, I have to grow now -- I mean I have to go now because I'm late for the Palin debriefing. Palin briefing."

Meanwhile, Palin is said to be outraged that she has to put up her personal effects for sale on eBay, resulting in palpable tension between the candidates.

"Palin refuses to continue with the McCain campaign without wearing underwear," said a spokesman for Palin. "It's just so unsanitary, so unsavory, so nasty and oh, so very, very, sexy."

However, Palin is said to be nothing, if not resourceful and that she is prepared for life's little emergencies.

"She [Palin] just refused to go on stage without any underwear," said Palin's personal female assistant. "She turned to me and said, 'Listen. Do you got any dental floss in your purse?' I was shocked but nodded yes and turned it over to her. Right there, before my eyes, she pulled out a couple of feet of floss and fashioned it into a g-string, lifted up her skirt and put in on."

Palin then walked onto the stage to a sea of photoflashes but not before turning back, to thank her young open jawed assistant for the dental floss, whispering something inaudible to her as she waved to the audience.

"She thanked me, of course," said Palin's assistant. "Then I asked her if she learned to improvise like that from her beauty pageant days. And she said, 'Oh, gosh no. You just do what you gotta do to keep your husband still interested in yah after having five kids. That's all."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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