Big Brother to use Thought Police in Ratings Battle

Funny story written by Paul Bavill

Saturday, 22 May 2004

image for Big Brother to use Thought Police in Ratings Battle

With Channel 4's Big Brother to air its new season on Friday, speculation has been rife surrounding how the reality show can attract viewers this year..

Following on from previous show material such as the hot tub, the garden shed and last year's rich and poor sections the show has gone back to the Orwellian roots suggested by the title.

Last night the Channel 4 Board of Programming authorised the deployment of a newly formed thought police around the UK in the back of TV detector vans. This co-operation is thought to have been made possible by ex-Channel 4 boss Mark Thompson on his recent appointment as Director General of the BBC.

Any viewers found to be watching any other channel during the 9-10.00pm slot of Big Brother could face a fine of up to £1,000 and 14 days imprisonment. Newspapers found not to be covering which particular mid-twenties degenerate lost her bra last night could also face tough financial sanctions.

Spokesman for Channel 4, Colin Ratherlong said "We got the idea from reading the book. It's amazing what you can learn if you just turn away from banal reality TV shows and actually read."

Mark Thompson is also allowing the use of BBC 2's "Room 101" for interrogation purposes.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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