Written by Fish

Monday, 22 September 2008

image for South Philly Man Arrested For Marrying 23 Women
Mary/Maria/Marie Romero

Philadelphia PA-- Anthony Romero was arrested today on bigamy charges. Prosecutors say he married at least 23 times, all of them women from his South Philadelphia neighborhood. All the women lived in the same modest blocks of row houses in the Italian-American enclave. Prosecutors said Mr. Romero could get up to 230 years in prison.

The marriages took place all on the same day. It wasn't until last week before anyone noticed. Maria Romero is Anthony's first wife and explained what happened in this interview in her quaint South Philly row house.

"Me and Anthony got married in 1999 or 2000. I forget. Maybe it was a year with lots of zeros in. Ant'nys a real big zero." she laughed. Mary took out some wedding photos and brushed back a sudden tear.

"Look at my bridesmaids. Anthony married them all, the goomba! He married Maria Giota, Mary Rocco, Marie Contessa, Mary Catchatoria, and Mary Scalia all in the same day." said the tearful Mary Romero. "We all live in the same block too. Ant'ny said he was just checking each house to make sure no mail got delivered wrong. Guess people think we're dumb. Hey listen! How could we know? Every guy in South Philly is named Ant'ny."

Anthony Romero was held without bail but was happy to give his side of the story.

"All these broads were real happy to marry me, ya know what I mean, jellybean? It's not like I was twisting anybody's arm, you know. And they all look and act alike. It was like being married to the same broad anyway."

All of Mary Romero's 23 neighbors came out on their stoops (porches) to add their concerns. All 23 women are remarkably alike. Each is only 5 feet tall with black hair in either a beehive or a pompadour hairdo. Their mascara looks like it was put on with a paintbrush. They all wear tank tops, leopard skin pants and 10-inch red high heels. They all look like they stepped out of 1964.

"We all had kids with this goomba!" they shouted together.

About 50 kids came out on the stoop. All the kids are named either Anthony or Mary.

"We can't even let our kids play together now, since they're all cousins now, or something." said one of the wives. "This kinda crap is gonna give South Philly a bad name, ya know what I mean jellybean??"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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