Washington DC, September 5, 2008: The Democratic and Republican Party national conventions are finally over. The presidential candidates are not presumptive any more.
Senator Obama and Senator McCain met to discuss the details of the ensuing campaign debates, leading up to the general election. They agreed that the nation is tired of political rhetoric and that both candidates are out of money or in debt, requiring a new spate of fundraising.
The decision was made not to hold a presidential election, as any close vote would probably end up in the Supreme Court. A televised amateur tag team "no-holds-barred" wrestling match will be held on November 4, 2008, at high noon EDT, in Wheeling WVA to determine the wining ticket. The Republican team of John "Ageless" McCain, Sarah "Newbie" Palin with backup provided by Ron "Off the Wall" Paul Vs the Democratic team of Barack "The Kiddie" Obama, Joe "Oldie" Biden with backup provided by Hillary "Pantsuit" Clinton will compete until someone yells "Uncle Sam".
There has already been contention about holding the match in WVA because of Hillary "Pantsuit" Clinton being on the Democratic team. Bill Clinton has been disqualified, since when it comes to wrestling women he is considered a professional. Regardless of the outcome, any gate receipts and remaining campaign funds will be donated to provide aid to Hurricane Gustav survivors.