Most Poll Results Unreliable, Poll Finds

Funny story written by James Peters

Tuesday, 25 May 2004

Only 1 in 7 Americans respond honestly to survey questions, according to a recent CNN/Gallup survey. Titled Telling the Truth: American Style, the study is believed to be the first of its kind.

"We have been polling Americans for over 100 years," says John Greggio, Sr. Vice President of Psychometrics for the Gallup Organization. "But we never thought to ask people if they were being honest."

The telephone survey of 1006 Americans was conducted during the week of May 7-14. It paints a disturbing picture of Americans' relationship with the truth, and of life in general. Among the poll's other findings:

  • Most people wish their neighbors would just go away
  • 28% of all Americans have reported seeing Jesus in the crawlspace underneath their house in the past six months
  • More than half of all adults over 65 say they now inhabit a dream world where fact and fiction have become mere mental constructs

The poll's margin of error could not be determined.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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