US Prisons Full - Bush Declares Moratorium

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Sunday, 17 August 2008

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The future of US prisons?

The heavy pace of criminal prosecutions in the US has finally hit its limit, as all prisons in the country are full. Riehl Dumas, head of the Federal Bureau of Prisons, made the announcement late Friday. as a result, President Bush and Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey decided Saturday to stop all arrests and prosecutions.

The American Bar Association criticized Bush after the news came out. "What the hell are the lawyers supposed to do now," asked famed attorney Clyde Dershowitz. Mukasey responded by pointing out how much money would be saved, and that most of the people prosecuted really weren't any worse than politicians. "Heck, it's not like they were torturing people in Cuba, invading countries, or stealing taxpayer money."

Dershowitz promised an equal protection challenge that he would bring straight to the Supreme Court. "If they're not going to prosecute the new criminals, then they'll have to let the old ones out. Hey, if those bastards are going to mess with my income stream, then I gotta do something with my time."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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