In what might be the biggest blow to anti-drunk driving laws and advocates since the introduction of the Chrysler Minibar, top alcoholics have proven drunk driving to be "hella fun." Although the theory had been known to many for many years, it was until recently that members respected in the drunk community brought it to light.
The test was conducted in a public setting with actual drunk drivers. A computer was linked up to the drunkards vital signals and monitored emotions such as joy and excitement. Drunk driving expert and P.L.O.W.E.D founder Dale Jefferson conducted the experiments and released the following report.
"We have found that driving while totally smashed not only decreases drive time due to excessive speeding, the roads have been free of unwanted pedestrians. Not only that, its a real rush to punch it and just let go of the wheel. You'd be to afraid to do that sort of thing sober. "
"People have been persecuted for many years for their beliefs. We believe that drunk drivers not only have more fun, they are more likely to test out those road barriers for the city to make sure they actually work. The oppression stops here."
Other advocates for drunk driving have dis-proven the theory that drunk drivers cause more accidents by pointing out that roads are built for sober drivers only, and drunk drivers should get their own lanes and parking spots just like the cripples and the carpool dickheads.
"You see the lines in the road are designed so that a person who hasn't been drinking could follow them. How the hell are we supposed to stay in the lanes when they keep veering off. Its hard enough trying to keep from passing out now we got to deal with that shit."
"Its discrimination I tell ya and the founding fathers would say you hate america if a man wasn't free to get shit tossed and drive home freely." Added Mr. Jefferson.
Thanks to generous donations from Budweiser and Bacardi, lobbyists are now on the verge of successfully making it legal to drive drunk despite whatever those meddling old hags from M.A.D.D have to say.