Most people think of the liquor salesman as just a curbstone up from the guttersnipe that sells crack cocaine. But latest medical studies have elevated this addictive drug entrepreneur to the heights of a healing shaman. The studies report that alcohol can lengthen your life, prevent heart disease and now, prevent rheumatoid arthritis.
Tipplers across the UK and all alcohol imbibing regions of planet Earth will be holding an Our Drug is the Healthy Addiction Celebrations in honor of the welcomed research sponsored by Drug Reproducers Union of Native Kingdoms (DRUNK).
When London Lord Mayor Boris "Nogoodinoff" Johnson had the research read to his illiterate self while in a drunken stupor. He sat straight up in bed and immediately repealed the ban of the miracle drug from the London Metro: "Let them tipple freely lest they topple over prematurely, have their hearts seize or obtain crippling arthritis."
