John McCain Praises His Opposition to Flood Prevention Programs

Funny story written by Felix Minderbinder

Sunday, 22 June 2008

image for John McCain Praises His Opposition to Flood Prevention Programs
Good fishing says McCain

WASHINGTON (FMLiveWire) -- With dozens of communities in the US Midwest still under water from failed levees, Democrat Barack Obama has criticized Republican John McCain for opposing federal spending on flood prevention programs.

Yet a forthright McCain replied, "I don't care how many voters get flooded out, cause this is big-time irrigation you know. It doesn't get any better than this. They are white trash Democrats just like in New Orleans, and rich Republicans like George and me don't have to look after those people."

Both candidates have visited the flood zones in the past two weeks, since tornadoes hit and heavy rains sent midwest rivers and the mighty Mississippi surging over their banks. At least 24 people were killed, most in Iowa.

Obama, an Illinois senator, filled sandbags in Quincy, Illinois, while McCain, an Arizona senator, and George Bush enjoyed a tour of flood damage in Iowa and along the Mississippi River.

"Senator McCain shouldn't have opposed legislation to fund levees and flood control programs, which he considers pork," said Obama as he filled bag after bag.

"I would rather fund overseas wars to steal Iraqi oil under no-bid contracts for Exxon Mobil," agreed McCain. "For once Obama and I agree on something."

The bill that McCain opposed spent $23 billion on water projects, including flood control and levee repairs. It passed Congress overwhelmingly and was vetoed by President Bush because he said it spent too much on lawmaker's pet projects. Congress voted to override the veto, the first time of Bush's presidency.

The bill also funded hundreds of projects such as dams and beach restoration - that are important to local communities. It included money for the hurricane-hit Gulf Coast and for Florida Everglades restoration efforts.

Then McCain praised Bush's legacy: Midwestern levees are bursting thanks to global warming and climate change. Much of New Orleans is now abandoned. Polar bears are adrift. Gas prices are skyrocketing. Home values are sinking into the abyss. Air fares, college tuition and health care are unaffordable. The US dollar sinks.

Wars without end rage in Iraq, Afghanistan and against freedom fighters everywhere who do not want to be screwed by the USA. Bush allowed 911 to happen. Food is becoming scarcer and more expensive worldwide, as fuel costs rise while US corn is brewed into ethanol, sapping fields of plenty once devoted to crops that people needed to eat.

"And you can bet there will be even more of the same when I am elected President," exulted McCain. "I will keep everything unraveling to make sure the rich get richer. I bet the fishing is pretty good down there now."

--Copyright Felix Minderbinder Live Wire

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more