Shortly after a 5-4 vote which restored the right of habeas corpus to Guantanamo detainees, U.S. Supreme Court Justices Anthony Kennedy, John Paul Stevens, David Souter, Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Stephen Breyer were maced and shackled in a surprise legal maneuver carried out by Justice Anthony "Big Tony" Scalia.
"There is nothing in the U.S. Constitution that forbids me taking this action," stated Justice Scalia. "This is a time of war, and as a strict constructionist I am not going to invent a constitutional bar to the protective incarceration of Justices designated by the President to be engaging in rulings detrimental to national security."
Justice Clarence Thomas stated that he concurred with Scalia's actions: "I have spent my legal career supporting the idea that the constitution is whatever my Republican handlers say it is." When asked to clarify this statement, Thomas added "I am a strict contructionist."
After being firmly shackled, the offending 5-justice majority was dragged to waiting vans by operatives of the Genovese mob family. "There's nothing in the Constitution that forbids a justice from maintaining extensive mob ties," stated Scalia as the Genovese soldiers kneeled to kiss his ring. "Mafia connections are especially important in a time of war. This was true when we fought the Nazis and it's true now."
Democratic congressional leaders were quoted as saying they were "deeply concerned."
The offending majority justices have reportedly been flown to the U.S. Military prison facility at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba. Military officials refused comment when contacted, citing national security issues.
