Donald Rumsfeld may resign over photograph fiasco

Funny story written by ej moore

Sunday, 9 May 2004

image for Donald Rumsfeld may resign over photograph fiasco
Rumsfeld admitted outsourcing of military tech support.

WASHINGTON - Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld spent his Friday on Capitol Hill answering questions concerning Adobe Photoshop misuse by U.S. military personnel in Iraq, and he announced he had already banned use of the program until all troops were retrained in effective image enhancement procedures.

The photos of Iraqi prisoner torture, Rumsfeld explained, were created by poorly trained military personnel in failed attempts to alter photographs. Rumsfeld said he deeply regretted outsourcing the troops' tech assistance to a New Delhi firm.

"India had the lowest bid," he said during the hearing. "I was only trying to do my part to help lower the national deficit."

Rumsfeld went on to explain that had U.S. troops received adequate tech support in Photoshop, they would have been able to correctly doctor images of tortured Iraqi prisoners before they were emailed to friends and family because they would have been instructed to substitute their own faces with those of known Iraqi terrorists.

"Our troops' understanding of cut and paste is far worse than we ever imagined," Rumsfeld said at the hearing.

Taking full responsibility for the fiasco, Rumsfeld offered to step down over his lapse in judgment. President Bush has so far declined to accept the resignation even though it came to light that Rumsfeld knew of earlier photographic evidence proving that soldiers had been thoroughly clueless in Photoshop operation for some time.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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