Overwhelming Majority Of Hillary Supporters Voting For Hillary

Funny story written by Will Edison

Friday, 18 April 2008

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PHILADELPHIA, Pennsylvania (AP) -- A new Gallup Poll released last Wednesday showed that out of a sample of 5834 Hillary Clinton supporters, 87% of them plan to cast their vote for her in the upcoming Pennsylvania Primary. Although most Hillary Supporters cite the same reasons in support of casting their votes for her, reasoning varies widely among those supporters that plan to vote against her or abstain from voting at all.

"I just don't think my vote makes a difference," stated Angela, 35. "Is Hillary going to come to my job and mandate a raise for me? Is she going to babysit my three children? I don't think so." When asked why she attended rallies at all, she indicated that her friend Phoebe asked her to, and Phoebe does babysit her children.

Others are so confident in Hillary that they feel her success in inevitable. Bethany, a 24 year old social worker, claims that "Hillary is such a strong woman that she doesn't need anyone's help to get to the top. She's confident and determined, and when I stay at home instead of voting this Tuesday, I'll prove to everyone that she won't let a little thing like my one vote stop her from reaching her goals."

Frank, 23, has an entirely different reasoning for attending Hillary rallies. "Hillary attracts a lot of female supporters, and quite a few of them are real lookers, if you know what I mean. Let me tell you, there's nothing like the promise of change to get a woman fired up." Frank informed us that he planned to vote for Barack Obama this Tuesday.

With less than a week before the primary, some Hillary supporters are alarmed at the percentage of Hillary supporters not willing to vote for Hillary, which is up two percent from a similar poll taken a week ago. Others like Eva, 31, are unfazed. "87% is an incredible amount of support. With such a large majority, there's no way Hillary can lose."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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