Life Time Sentence For 'Lizard Murderer'

Funny story written by Andersdenker

Monday, 14 April 2008

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USA - Don Von Helton, the infamous conspiracy theorist who murdered a 20 year old from Germany, mistaking him for a reptilian, has been sentenced to a life in prison.

Von Helton, during his closing statement in court, stated that he was sorry for killing the young student, but that he had the right to do it.

Julian Everts's mourning family was present in court, as was a delegation of animal rights activists in lizard costumes.

One of them, Dick Cox-Huckabee, gave various interviews prior to and after the trial.

"It's a shame!", he said in an interview with the local German newspaper Pleitegeier. "This is an insult to all lizards. We must protest it before the habit of killing lizards spreads. This Von Helton is an evil man."

Also present during the trial was the organisation PETER (People for the Ethical Treatment of Elderly Retards), whose representatives showed up in support of one of their most active members.

Don Von Helton has asked for permission to take his collection of guns with him when he begins his sentence on Wednesday. At the heart of this strange request lies Von Helton's fear of alien lizards that might break into his cell at night and try to eat him alive.

His brother James P. Von Helton has released a comment on his personal website expressing his disgust with the outcome of the trial, adding that he is preparing to sue the manufacturer of the lizard costume that led to the terrible murder.

The rest of Von Helton's family declined to comment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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