Shrek Charged With DUI

Funny story written by Warren Redlich

Monday, 14 April 2008

image for Shrek Charged With DUI
Shrek looks drunk after his DUI arrest

Hollywood hero Shrek was arrested in Malibu yesterday on a DUI charge. Reports indicate he had a blood alcohol content (BAC) of 0.09, just over the legal limit. Prosecutors in Los Angeles County say that while the BAC was not that high, the effect is much more substantial in animated characters.

An anonymous individual called 911 and reported that Shrek was weaving on I-10 while riding his donkey, and had a "thin blonde chick" on his shoulders. Cameron Diaz has been friends with Shrek since the first film, and a romantic relationship was rumored for years.

LAPD responding to the call caught up to the monster, his ass, and Diaz on Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu. Police claim that Shrek was rude and smelled of alcohol. Witnesses overheard Diaz exclaim: "How can you tell over the smell of his BO?" Diaz was charged with disorderly conduct, but the charge was dismissed on arraignment by the judge as "unsubstantiated." A spokesman for Diaz declined comment.

The officers' notes show that Shrek failed two out of three field sobriety tests. He was taken to the station and did not refuse the breath test, which is where the 0.09 figure comes from. Shrek was hoping to retain Johnnie Cochrane for his defense, but Cochrane has been dead for a few years now. The public defender has declined to represent the star, saying that it is not allowed to represent celebrities unless they can show they've been out of work for more than a year.

The case is scheduled for an appearance in Malibu Traffic Court next week.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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