NY Cardinal Egan Hires Goonies to Break Up Teacher Strikes

Written by Pointer

Thursday, 10 April 2008

image for NY Cardinal Egan Hires Goonies to Break Up Teacher Strikes
Egan's Rack of Lamb feast before he picked their bones bare- Beware Catholic School Teachers

Back in the 70's and 80's NY Cardinal Egan was a lowly assistant bishop in charge of education in the NY archdiocese. He became famous among lay teachers for his tough negotiation of contracts. Egan actually told the NY Daily News that the bare bones approach to NY Catholic education was a virtue. A NY Catholic teacher and father of four told Egan in a debate on the pages of the Daily News that it was on the bare bones of his and many teachers' children that he was running his slave wage operation.

Now that Egan has risen to the heights of cardinal he no, longer needs to dirty his red robes with the gutter snipe that teach in his schools. He now has hired hands to keep the trash out of the chancery and the Cardinal's mansion.

That is, until the upcoming Pope's visit. NY Catholic teachers unions are planning to demonstrate the gross violation of Catholic social teaching championed by the last five Popes and initiated by Pope Leo XIII in 1891. This development brought out the old union busting methods of Egan. One phone call to the Home for Old Movie Actors and Egan resurrected the careers of the once famous goonies who managed to foil the plans of a very weird family of treasure hunters.

So desperate for work the goonies were glad to get a job and set about breaking the knee caps of Catholic union leaders. Egan, self-satisfied that the Pope's visit will not be an embarrassment to his reign returned to his old theme in this Sunday's homily in St Patrick's cathedral: "Bare bones is how we Catholics do it, as I was telling the world class chef at the Four Seasons as he personally bussed my table after I devoured his exquisite Rack of Paschal Lamb... picking those bones clean…"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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